


The Light Behind Your Eyes

by Tulvarish



Category: Free!
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Blood, Drama, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possible OOCness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tulvarish/pseuds/Tulvarish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Mako-chan.. Hang on..” The little blond whimpered as he laced his fingers in Makoto’s bloody hand. “You’ll be alright.  Rei-chan.. He’s getting help..” Even through the shouts of the gathering crowd and Nagisa’s own gentle cries, Makoto still didn’t move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of me loving a good sad story. Angst is not enough. :3 And also listening to the song 'The light behind your eyes' by MCR. I also suck at titles so guess what! Enjoy.
> 
> Also! This takes place post series. I figured I'd make that clear since it didn't seem that obvious once I thought about it. .///.

Makoto woke up that morning with a smile on his gentle face and he hummed to himself as he got ready for a day out with his friends. He dressed casually. A pair of normal swim trunks under a pair of track pants and blue and white stripped t-shirt was all he needed. He carried a small bag on his back that contained his towel and some sun block and various other things he might need. He positioned his glasses on his nose, opting not to wear his contacts for the day. The sand would just irritate them more if he wore them. 

He slipped his cell phone into his pocket and descended the stairs thinking of one friend in particular that he had craved to see. He’d been uncertain of his confusing emotions regarding Haruka Nanase for a while, but after a long heart to heart with Rei of all people, he managed to figure it out. He was in love with his best friend. Haru meant the world to him a hundred times over and Makoto had never really had a problem showing him that. So the realization that he loved Haru hadn’t shocked him as much as he had expected, and what’s more, Rei didn’t seem that surprised either. They were always together and were rarely seen without the other nearby.

Makoto made himself a light breakfast as he thought about the plans they had made. They were all going to get together and go to the beach for a while. While Makoto was a little apprehensive at this, he still agreed, mostly because Nagisa had cheated and turned on those tears of his when Makoto had initially declined. Makoto was easily won over and Nagisa knew just how to make him submit. But Haru would be there. So Makoto knew it would be fine. The plan was for Haru to meet up with Rin at the Samezuka station and walk with him to the shrine they had agreed to rendezvous at while Makoto gathered Nagisa, Rei, and Gou. Nagisa and Rei were already waiting outside of his house as he stepped out into the pleasant morning sunlight. 

Makoto waved to his sleepy siblings as they saw him off on this Saturday morning and told them to be good before he disappeared down the street with his two friends. Nagisa bounced around excitedly as the trio made their way to the train station. With the way he was acting, you’d think he’d never been to a beach before. He drug Rei around like his own personal playmate. It was obvious now how much Rei cared for the little blond. Makoto now caught the small smiles that graced Rei’s face when Nagisa innocently grabbed his hand or the light blush when the little ball of energy clung to him for whatever reason he chose. He could only wish for the best for them.

He wanted his friends to be happy more than anything. They boarded the train and Nagisa sat between Rei and Makoto, chattering about this and that and the tallest of the three smiled as he observed Rei hanging on the little blond’s every word even if he pretended he wasn’t. Nagisa had the butterfly swimmer wrapped around his little finger and he didn’t even know it. Or what’s worse, maybe he did? It was similar for Makoto and Haru. 

Makoto did everything Haru asked and was always the first to defend Haru’s decisions. He was always there to back Haru up. Always. The reverse was also true. Haru always tagged along with Makoto, doing whatever the green eyed boy wished. They had been friends for so long that Makoto knew all of Haru’s weaknesses and how to exploit them. The one he use the most what Haru’s love for water. He couldn’t count the number of times Haru followed him around just for the promise of water and that thought made Makoto smile.

The train came to a stop and Nagisa bounded off of it followed closely by Rei. Makoto trailed after them and, once they spotted Gou they all began to walk towards their meeting place. Makoto pulled out his green cell phone and quickly typed out a message to Haru that they would be there soon. Overall, Makoto was glad he decided to come along. He knew Nagisa and Gou would pester Rin for a majority of the day and Rei would tag along where ever Nagisa went so that meant he and Haru would have some time together. 

They wouldn’t be alone, but that didn’t really matter all that much to Makoto. As long as he got to spend time with his friend, he was content. Love is patient after all. Even if Haru never knew how he felt, Makoto knew that he would still be near him. They’d always been together and Makoto, for one, had never had a moment in his life where Haru wasn’t there. Perhaps his earliest years, but after that, Haru was as much a part of him as his own green eyes were.

He watched as his friends chatted animatedly together. Gou and Nagisa led the way, arms linked and bickering about what they would do first. Nagisa wanted to play volleyball and Gou wanted to search for shells. They all crossed the road together when the light indicated it was safe and Makoto was kind of surprised at how dangerous this intersection appeared to be from the other side of the street. A tall fence blocked the view of the road and, unless you stood right at the edge of the side walk, you couldn’t see the oncoming traffic. 

Makoto made a mental note to be very careful on their way back home. Nagisa’s yell of excitement snapped Makoto out of his slight trance and he watched as the blond made his way into a convenience store, dragging Gou behind him and cheering about some sweet drink. Rei yelled after them and Makoto laughed softly at the younger boy’s distress before patting him on the shoulder and motioning after the energetic duo.

“Go ahead. I’ll meet up with Rin and Haru. They should be just around the corner.” Makoto said reassuringly as he walked on, leaving Rei to wander into the store and hunt for the little blond snack monster. His heart fluttered slightly at the thought of finally getting to see Haru for the day and he smiled. He really was hopeless. They had just seen each other the night before, but Makoto found that, no matter how often they met up he always longed to see Haru. 

He wasn’t even sure if Haru was into other guys, and to be honest, Makoto knew he wasn’t. Not just any guy would do.. It had to be Haru. They had always been together and he hoped that they always would be. Even if he never told Haru that he was in love with him, Makoto always wanted to remain at his side as long as he was needed.

Makoto shoved his hands in his pockets and, as he stepped around the corner, that unwavering smile of his faltered… He stood, rooted to the spot as his widened jade eyes locked on the scene in front of him. He could feel his heart thundering rapidly against his rib cage and his knees shook slightly at the sight before him. Haru and Rin were standing a couple of blocks down the road, hands clasped together and lips locked in a kiss that they both appeared to be enjoying. Makoto felt his chest swell painfully and he couldn’t stop the tears from forming even if he wanted to. 

What hurt the most was seeing just how perfectly they fit together… He just stared for a moment, his mind in a jumbled haze of panic, confusion, and agony. What he had feared most was happening right in front of him. Rin was taking his place at Haru’s side. He wouldn’t be needed by the one he loved anymore and it was so painful that, for a moment, Makoto felt like he couldn’t breathe. Makoto had always been something of a coward. He always feared the outcome of something new and different. He feared rejection and uncertainty, but mostly, he just didn’t want to be alone. A life without Haru wasn’t one he wanted to live. So he did what every other coward would have done in this instance. He ran...

His feet were moving before he was even aware of it. He bolted past the store as his other friends were coming out but he didn’t hear them call out to him. How could he? All that he could hear, could feel, was his breaking heart. His head hung down as he ran, vision blurred by a torrent of tears and his mind was fogged by what he had just witnessed. Haru… How could he have been so blind? God, it was so obvious now that it might as well have kicked him in the face. 

Why didn’t he see the possibility of those two coming together? Was that why Haru had wanted to go and get Rin by himself? So they could be alone together before everyone met up? That had to be it. It was as if his world had slowed down, swallowing him whole and holding him underneath the surface of the ocean he feared so much. Haru…

“MAKOTO-SENPAI!!” Several things happened at once. Makoto hesitated in his step the moment he heard the squealing of the car’s breaks, but it was too late to move. He froze and everything happened too fast and too slow all at once. He’d hit the windshield of the car and weightlessly tumbled over the back of it and into the road. There was a sickening sound followed by the screeching of breaks and several cries of surprise and fear. 

The three friends that had witnessed the accident all stood motionless for a moment, not sure if what they were seeing had really happened. The pavement was stained a painful red and the figure in the road didn’t move. Nagisa had never moved so fast in his entire life. Within seconds the small blond was kneeling beside Makoto on the ground, ruby eyes wide and brimming with tears. His small hands hovered over Makoto’s prone form, shaking violently. His eyes watered instantly as they took in a sight that they never wanted to see.

Makoto wasn’t moving. He was laying on his side, hunched over slightly with one arm bent at an odd angle underneath him. There were several angry purple bruises forming on the visible skin and, from where his shirt had raised slightly, Nagisa could see more forming under his clothes. His arms and, no doubt, his legs were covered in painful looking scrapes and small gashes from sliding across the pavement. The worst thing though was the blood. There was blood on his hands, evidence that he had tried to catch himself and failed. 

Below his left knee was a darkening puddle where a piece of glass from the windshield had lodged itself in his skin. And under his head, another puddle had formed. Makoto’s hair, normally the color of wet sand, was now tinted with red in places and Nagisa was beginning to hate that color. His dark frames lay in the road a few feet away, broken and useless with a small amount of red speckling the lenses. Makoto’s eyes were half open and unfocused, staring at nothing. Nagisa reached out and gently touched Makoto’s shoulder.

“M-Mako-chan….?” 

“Nagisa! Don’t move him! Gou, go get Haruka-Senpai and Rin-san!” Rei ordered from behind the small blond as he pulled out his phone already dialing the number for the ambulance. He had been afraid to approach Makoto, but after seeing Nagisa run to their friend, he couldn’t stop feet from carrying him over as well. His hands were shaking as well, but given the condition his two friends were in, he had to be the one to act fast. 

“But…” She managed her normally pink tinted face white as a sheet. 

“Just go!! Help is on the way.. Nagisa! Don’t move him!” Rei yelled again before quickly responding to the dispatcher’s questions. When the phone call was over Rei felt tears begin to sting his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked up. Now was not the time to break down. Once Makoto was in safe hands, then he could release his building anxiety. Rei looked at Nagisa, his brow furrowed as he watched his friends shoulders shake. Even though he was standing behind Nagisa, he could tell the small male was crying.

“Mako-chan.. Hang on..” The little blond whimpered as he laced his fingers in Makoto’s bloody hand. “You’ll be alright. Rei-chan.. He’s getting help..” Even through the shouts of the gathering crowd and Nagisa’s own gentle cries, Makoto still didn’t move.


	2. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on Haru and Rin and how they react to the accident. But it starts just before it! That's kind of confusing huh?

Haru broke the kiss slowly and stared at Rin quietly for a moment before stepping back from his friend and shaking his head. “It didn’t change anything…” He admitted, albeit quietly. Rin had confessed to him on the way over from Samezuka and Haru’s neutral expression had wavered only slightly. Rin had told him that part of the reason he felt so lost these past few months was because he had feelings for Haru that went beyond friendship and those feelings were confusing. But Haru just didn’t feel that way about Rin.

He treasured Rin as a friend, but nothing more. The kiss was Rin’s last attempt at getting the stoic boy to change his mind. So Haru had kissed him back and even allowed Rin to thread their fingers together for the duration of the kiss. It was not unpleasant, but there was nothing else to it. There was no flutter, no breathlessness… Nothing. He simply felt like he had just kissed a friend to show him what it was like. There was no spark or tingle or anything remotely romantic about it. His heart didn’t speed up at all. There was only one person that could cause that kind of overload to happen to him. They way those green eyes always sparkled for him sent a slight shiver down his spine.

Rin seemed to understand, but the hurt expression on his face made Haru wonder if this was going to turn out to be a bad day after all. He adjusted himself slightly shifting from one foot to the other before pulling his phone out again. He needed to busy himself. It had been about twenty minutes since Makoto had texted him with ‘Just got off the train. Be there soon.’ So then where was he. “I bet Nagisa went into that store around the corner..” Rin offered, eyeing Haru’s phone. His voice was a bit distant, but Rin seemed to want to remain close by so Haru acknowledged his comment with a nod. He didn’t want Rin to run away from him again. 

“Let’s go meet up with them then.” Haru added, taking a step in the direction Rin mentioned. The redhead only hesitated for a moment before sighing in defeat and trailing after him. Things were only tense for a moment and that was a true testament to just how forgiving Rin had become. And Haru was thankful for that at least. He couldn’t stand to fight with him again. Rin was trying so Haru would too. 

The sound of squealing tires made Haru hesitate for a moment. There was a muffled cry and Haru turned to Rin with concern on his normally stoic face. Rin’s expression was similar to the one Haru wore. As if they were both questioning each other briefly before deciding to act. For a moment, neither of them moved. They could hear people yelling and Haru took a step forward. That seemed to be the answer Rin needed and the two boys began to move up the sidewalk with a little more haste. Just as they rounded the corner, Haru crashed into another person and made a noise as he was almost plowed over by the smaller shaky red figure. 

“Gou?” Rin said as he took in his sister’s appearance. Her normally smiling face was cast in panic and her eyes were puffy from the tears she was still shedding. Her tiny frame shook and the pale complexion on her normally rosy cheeks made her look like she was sick. “Gou… What’s wrong?” Rin said a little more forcefully than he mean to, but the girl was too shaken to really notice. Large red eyes looked up from the spot on Haru’s chest that she had been concentrating on and when her eyes met his, Haru felt something inside him crack. That expression…. Someone was hurt. Someone they cared about. 

“T-there was a car… Something happened… and then.. He didn’t see it..” She stuttered as Rin turned his little sister to face him. They needed to know what happened. He leveled his gaze on her and he noticed her bottom lip was trembling now. 

“Who? Gou, who got hurt?” Rin questioned, his hands squeezing the girls upper arms in an effort to offer some sort of reassurance. Both he and Haru were tense, like two boards on cinder blocks ready to be snapped in half with the utterance of a name. They needed to know and neither would budge until they had an answer. Which one of their friends… She struggled for a moment before looking up into her brother’s eyes. Her mouth opened and closed once.. twice.. Before any sound came out. 

“M-m.. Makoto-senpai..” She muttered before he voice broke and she reached to her brother, her shoulders shaking with every sob that she could no longer contain. Rin stared down at her in disbelief, as if she had said that the world was ending. Little did he know that for one of them, it was. The redheaded boy looked to his right in alarm as his mind tried to catch up with him. “Haru…” 

But Haru was gone. He was already half way down the block by the time Rin had turned to him. He didn’t see the expression Rin wore nor did he hear the words he spoke. All he could hear was the rushing of his own blood through his veins as his legs carried him as fast as they could. 

Haru came to a halt mere seconds before plowing Rei over, his legs continueing to propel him forward at a much slower pace. The younger boy held up his hands in an effort to stop Haru from stepping into the street. He didn’t want Haru to see Makoto like this. Haru tried to move around him and Rei latched onto his arms. “Haruka-senpai! Wait.. Please!” Rei cried and Haru jerked trying to throw the younger boy off of him. Blue eyes bore into Rei as they struggled with each other and Haru was about to resort to real violence when he stopped moving entirely.

He spotted Nagisa kneeling on the road next to a familiar body covered in red. He could hear Nagisa whispering softly and his mouth fell open. He wanted to say something, anything.. If he did, then maybe he’d wake up from this nightmare. Haru focused on the back of Makoto’s head for a moment and he attempted to take a step forward. His breathing grew shallower with every step.

“Mako..to..” He said quietly. Rei was no longer holding on to him. He had either shaken the boy off or had been let go. He wasn’t sure. He didn’t care. He only cared about one thing at right now. His feet carried him around Makoto and he all but fell onto the ground in front of his best friend. And he stared. 

Blood dripped from the corner of Makoto’s mouth and from a cut on his head. His normally sparkling eyes were half lidded and dull. That vibrant emerald green was not the color of moss on a cloudy day. The light wasn’t there. That beautiful smile was nowhere to be seen. His normal carefree expression was now covered by a blank and lifeless mask and Haru hated it. “Makoto..” He called again, slightly louder than before.

“Makoto….” Haru said once more as he reached out and brushed his fingers against the bruise that had formed on his best friend’s cheek. How did this happen? How… Haru was def to the sound of the sirens and the calls of the EMT’s. Even the flashes from the lights on top of the vehicle didn’t faze him. But then.. He was being pulled away from Makoto. Makoto was getting further and further away from him.. Haru thrashed suddenly, causing the person holding onto him to tighten their grip and call for help.

He cried out Makoto’s name as the medical team surrounded his best friend and began to move him. The way they tipped his head on the concrete made Haru’s gut tighten with sickness. Everything was getting blurry. How many times had he said his name hoping his friend would hear him, would look at him! That those eyes would sparkle for him once more! His voice cracked when he felt himself being overpowered by two sets of strong arms and he was pinned to the ground underneath both of his captors.

Rei and Rin both held Haru down, panting heavily and casting glares at the curious onlookers. Nagisa was sitting on the curb with his hands held out in front of him, Mokoto’s blood staining his ivory palms, staring at them like he was lost while Gou clung to his shoulder. Haru could only see one thing. The edges of his vision continued to cloud over and tears he wasn’t even aware of dripped from his eyes like a never ending faucet. He reached out and grasped for Makoto, stretching his arm as far as he could. 

‘I can’t reach him.’ Haru thought desperately. Anxiety crushed his chest and he lethis hand fall to the ground. A small sting caused Haru to tear his eyes away from Makoto for a moment and look down at the source of the sting. Under his wrist lay a broken pair of black frames with a dozen or more red splatters on them. One of the pieces of the lenses had cut into his palm.

Makoto’s glasses? Haru grit his teeth, the dam inside him breaking and overflowing. He released a choked sob and curled up on himself drawing the broken frames to his chest and hugging them tightly. He cried Makoto’s name over and over again as he wrapped his body around the only piece of his best friend he could reach. 

For all he knew, Makoto was dead. His other half was gone. The person he relied on to keep him sane might never look at him again. Every regret he could think of came pouring from his mind, drowning him in a torrent of emotions and all he could do was cry.

//// 

Rin paced the white waiting room for probably the hundredth time since they had arrived. He was getting restless. How long had they had Makoto in the operating room? His gaze kept drifting to Haru, who sat slumped over in one of the chairs. While the EMT’s loaded Makoto into the ambulance, Haru had lost consciousness. He was clutching Makoto’s glasses like a lifeline in the street and he still held the fragile frames in a vice like grip. He understood now why Haru had rejected him. 

But at this point, there were more important things to worry about. No one had called Makoto’s family yet. Rin didn’t have the number for the house and neither did Nagisa, Rei, or Gou. They only had Makoto’s cell number. With a heavy sigh, Rin approached Haru and dug into the pocket that he had seen the stoic boy stuff his phone into and he searched through the contact list. Rin was surprised at how few people actually had Haru’s number.

He remembered briefly that Haru had referred to Makoto’s parents as ‘Auntie and Uncle’ before and steeled his nerves as he pressed the call button for ‘Auntie’. He listened to the phone ring twice and almost lost whatever bravery he’d grasped when the kind voice of Makoto’s mother sounded from the other end of the line. “Hello.. Haru?” Rin realized he’d blanked for a minute before clearing his throat. 

“Tachibana-san? This is Rin Matsuoka. I’m a friend of Haru and Makoto’s.” He finally managed, though his voice was shaking a bit. “There’s…” Rin paused. This was going to hurt to say out loud. No one had said it yet. They all just sat in the waiting room in silence, dazed and disoriented. “There’s been an accident.” The redhead felt his voice crack and he clamped his mouth shut as everything came pouring out of him at once. He told her about the crash and that Makoto was at the hospital. 

He could hear the strangled sobs in his own voice as he gave her the address and directions to the waiting room. When the call ended, it took everything inside Rin to not launch the phone at the wall and shatter it. He wasn’t strong enough for this. He couldn’t be the strong one! Rei had already done his part in holding it together. Nagisa and Gou were both still in shock and Haru…. Haru was a lost cause. Rin had a feeling nothing they could say would pacify him and that Haru wouldn’t leave the hospital until Makoto was able to speak to him again.

But what if Makoto never got to that point… Dread welled inside Rin as he looked toward the motionless double doors that led back to the operating room. He grit his teeth and balled his fists, but no matter how he tried he couldn’t derail his current train of thought. What if…. No.. Don’t even think it!! But.. What if Makoto.. Dies? His chest hurt. More than he thought it could. Could any of them stand to be part of that funeral procession? No. He already knew that answer. 

Nagisa would never be the same. Rei would blame himself for not acting fast enough. Gou, his little sister, would be plagued with nightmares in her sleep for god knows how long while trying to hold everyone together. Every time Rin thought about Makoto’s gentle smile? He would break into pieces. And Haru.. Haru wouldn’t survive. He’d never be able to get past this no matter who tried to help him. If Makoto died, they would lose Haruka too.

Rin wanted to punch something. He needed to vent his frustration, his pain the only way he knew he could. He tossed Haru’s phone into the chair next to the unconscious boy as he made his way out of the damn hospital in search of something he could throw, or break. It was the only way he could calm himself down. Today had started out so normal. Nitori bidding him farewell as he left to hang out with his childhood friends, meeting Haru at the station… Then it was all downhill from there.

He’d confessed his feelings to Haru and had been rejected. Feelings he thought he had been certain of, but now wasn’t so sure. He knew why now. The way Haru had screamed for Makoto in the street and had clung to the only piece of the other boy that he could reach? It was obvious now. Haru had it so bad for Makoto that anyone with half a brain, Makoto excluded, could see it with a casual glance. Yeah… He was mad about it, but it seemed so insignificant now. Rin was pretty sure he couldn’t feel his hands any more. He’d been squeezing them so tightly that he was certain that all the blood flow within them had temporarily stopped.

He needed somebody.. Somebody that could help him through this… And so did Gou. The urge to break something subsided as the need for someone to lean on expanded in his chest like a balloon. He didn’t like the idea of his captain flirting with Gou, but she needed somebody that could hold himself together and he knew at the very least Mikoshiba could do that. He knew damn well that he couldn’t. Rin reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. 

He smiled at the little charm that hung innocently from the corner and he knew who he needed. The small plastic shark swung slightly as Rin searched his contacts for a specific number. It rang three times and Rin was worried that he was busy, but before he could lose his nerve yet again, the phone picked up and Rin held his breath. “Senpai?” The voice said in slight confusion. Rin knew why. He was supposed to be on the beach with his friends. Why would Rin bother calling him?

“Ai…. Are you.. Um. Are you busy?” He asked slowly. He had no idea how his voice sounded to Nitori, but he was sure from the intake of breath on the other end of the line and quick response that it wasn’t good. 

“No! Senpai, where are you? Just tell me and I’ll be there as soon as I can!” The concern and worry in Nitori’s voice was like a lullaby, causing Rin to relax slightly and lean against the fence he’d made his way over to during the conversation. Nitori didn’t even know what was going on and he chose to drop everything for Rin. He relayed the information to his kohai and also requested Mikoshiba come too if he could. He was certain though, that the Captain would bail on everything he was doing for this. He knew Makoto too, though not as well as the rest of them. And if Nitori told the Captain that Gou-chan needed him… He’d fly here if he could. It wasn’t five minutes after the phone call ended that Rin received a text from Nitori and he smiled softly. ‘We’re on our way. Be there in 30 minutes.’ 

Rin took a few minutes to gather himself before making his way into the entrance of the hospital and sitting on one of the benches. He wouldn’t miss his two friends this way. He could hold it together just a little longer. Or he thought he could. How much time had passed since he’d called them? Fifteen minutes.. That wasn’t enough. It felt like an eternity already. It was then that the doors of the hospital swung open and Rin was about to jump up, but then he couldn’t move. 

The man that had come rushing though the door carrying a young girl looked just like Makoto. That had to be his father. And the woman behind him, tear stained face and all, dragging an upset looking little boy behind her. His mother and his siblings. Rin fisted his hands in the legs of his pants and he looked down at the floor immediately. He couldn’t face those people. He didn’t know them that well to be honest and he wasn’t ready to be met with a sobbing mother thanking him for calling. He was strong, but not that strong. No he needed Nitori by his side for that.

“Senpai?” Rin snapped out of his daze and he looked up onto a pair of concerned blue eyes. He instantly felt the tears build up, but his pride wouldn’t let him cry here. Not in front of Mikoshiba. He directed the Captain to the waiting room, and made to get up once Mikoshiba ran off in search of Gou. He grabbed Nitori’s hand and dragged him back outside to a secluded part of the hospital before releasing his grip on the smaller male, keeping his back to him. 

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to have to voice his fears. How could he? If it came down to it.. Losing Makoto would wound them all for life. How could he express such a feeling to Nitori without hurting in the process? Rin hadn’t even noticed that Nitori had moved around to stand in front of him, nor did he realize that everything he wanted to say was conveyed in the agonizing expression he wore.

Nitori stepped forward, boldly wrapping his arms around Rin’s waist and hoping that he didn’t get shoved away. He couldn’t have expected Rin to buckle. As soon as he felt Nitori’s arms around him, Rin pulled his kohai as close to him as he physically could before dropping to his knees. He pulled Nitori down with him and the silver haired boy let Rin cling to him without a single word. And he, in turn, would hold Rin just as tightly. He gave Rin the outlet he needed. Someone to listen to him and just be there for him. 

Someone who knew his situation but wasn’t as close to it as all the rest involved. That someone was Nitori. He would selflessly give Rin anything he needed right now without a single complaint. And right now all Rin needed was him to be there while he was falling apart at the seams. No, the small devoted boy would stay until the tears stopped flowing and even after that. Until Rin no longer needed someone to cling to, Nitori would share this bit of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Collects heart guts in a bucket* I tried to make Rin as in character as possible. Did I succeed? The beginning was rocky wasn't it? 
> 
> Thoughts? Advice? And of course I'll gladly accept death threats as well.


	3. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more feels. :) I hope this is easier to read. I sectioned the chapters for easier reading.

Rei sat in the waiting room staring at the clock on the wall, but not really seeing it. He was too worn out to really notice just how long they had been there waiting. That was the hardest part… Waiting. No one had told them anything since they'd gotten here no matter how many times Rin had gone to the desk and asked. The nurse up there was clearly annoyed with the redhead, but didn’t say anything about it. 

It was a good thing too. Rin might have knocked her out. Not that Rei was terribly concerned. He knew Rin wouldn’t do anything to get himself thrown out of the hospital. Not when Makoto was in such an unstable state, possibly knocking on deaths door. Rei sighed looking down at the two who, more or less, clung to him. They were both asleep now, but Rei couldn’t rest. 

Nagisa had needed to be carried to the hospital in his state of shock. Once the ambulance had left, Rin had all but dragged them all there. Rei had tried to snap Nagisa out of his daze by shaking him softly, but the little blond didn’t really respond. The butterfly swimmer had decided that, given the situation, he would just carry the boy. 

They needed to get to the hospital as fast as they could, and they couldn’t just leave him behind. So, with Rin’s help, Rei was able to position Nagisa on his back and carry him piggyback the entire way. Rin managed to carry Haru the same way, though he didn’t appear to struggle as much as Rei. It was exhausting and he was thankful that the train they had boarded had given him a temporary break. 

The other passengers stared at him and Nagisa with both curious and slightly afraid expressions for a majority of the train ride. Nagisa had Makoto’s blood on his knees, hands and face and it was now smeared across Rei’s back and shoulders. He imagined they looked like they had either just gotten into a fight or killed someone. But Rei didn’t really care. 

They weren’t his main priority. The walk to the hospital from the train was met with the same overly curious glances from people on the sidewalk and even in the hospital. He had been approached by at least three nurses, asking if he needed help and if they were both alright. It took its toll on him, having to explain the situation three separate times. 

By the time they finally got up to the waiting room, Rei collapsed face down on one of the couches and just laid there while he tried to cool himself off. Nagisa wasn’t really heavy, but as the trip carried on, he got heavier. Nagisa lay across his back breathing evenly and Rei allowed a relieved smile to cross his face. At least he was resting now. It had taken some careful maneuvering, but Rei had managed to adjust them so that Nagisa was sitting up and leaning against him with his legs draped over Rei’s knee. 

The blue haired boy wanted to be able to comfort Nagisa if he happened to wake up before they heard any news on Makoto-senpai’s condition. After he had gotten comfortable, Gou had approached him, almost timidly and Rei offered her as reassuring a smile as he could muster given the circumstances. She was silently asking for the same thing that he was giving Nagisa. She knew her brother and Haru would be unable to comfort her and she wasn’t strong enough to hold herself together alone. 

So Rei held out his hand and let her sit beside him on the side opposite of Nagisa and he did his best for her. He wasn’t exactly sure how he had managed to hold it together so well, to be honest. He felt like a tightly pulled cord wound around two metal bars that kept moving farther and farther apart. He was so tense that he wasn’t really sure how Gou and Nagisa had managed to remain comfortable laying on him. He knew that soon, the cord would snap and whatever emotions he’d managed to keep in check would rush through him rendering him useless to his two friends. He was aware that he didn’t have much more of this in him. He was a cracked pillar on a foundation made of sand and he wouldn’t be able to hold up much longer. 

Deciding to distract himself, Rei looked around the room, trying to focus on something. He noticed that Rin was gone for the first time since they had arrived and he wondered vaguely where the redhead had gone. Or how long he had been gone for that matter. Then his eyes drifted to the prone form of Haru. The older boy was laying in a recliner in the corner with his eyes closed and breathing steady. 

He was still clutching Makoto’s glasses. Rei could only imagine how Haru felt about all of this. He’d had to help restrain the dark haired boy when the EMTs arrived so he kind of had an idea. He was even pretty sure he had a bruise forming on his side from where Haru had managed to kick him in his panicked state. Now that the adrenaline of the whole situation was wearing off, he started to feel it and it caused him to shift a little against Gou. 

The sound of the waiting room door opening distracted Rei slightly and he looked up to see a familiar head of red hair and golden eyes. “Mikoshiba-taichou?” He said with mild confusion as the taller boy made his way over to Rei, Gou, and Nagisa, his cheerful face full of worry. “What are you…?” 

“Rin called. Said that Tachibana had been in an accident? He asked me to help take care of Gou-chan.” Mikoshiba stated as he looked the three of them over, as if inspecting them. His golden eyes landed On Nagisa and the blood and Mikoshiba locked his gaze with Rei’s. “Is he..?”

“No. The blood isn’t his… It’s Makoto-senpai’s.” Rei said quietly, his violet eyes automatically drifting to Nagisa’s hands. Mikoshiba sighed. He didn’t know them all very well, but he still felt a connection to them. It was probably because of Rin and his never ending set of stunts involving the Iwatobi Swim team. And Nitori had recently taken to hanging around the Iwatobi guys so that probably added to it. Not to mention his attraction to Gou. He reached out and gently placed a hand on Gou’s shoulder, jarring her lightly in an effort to wake her. When her lashes fluttered slightly, Mikoshiba called her name, further rousing her from her restless slumber. She blinked several times as he looked up at the man in front of her with confusion etched into her normally cute face. 

“Your brother.” Was all he said and she seemed to understand. She nodded slightly before practically throwing herself into his chest and wrapping her small arms around his strong body. She was trembling slightly and the Captain was sure his heart was breaking for her, or rather, for all of them. He couldn’t imagine how they must feel or what they were all going through. 

“Thanks.” Rei said with a genuine smile as he adjusted Nagisa so that the two of them could lie together on the couch. Rei stretched out his stiff muscles as he maneuvered the little blond onto his chest, facing the chair that Mikoshiba and Gou had curled up in. He knew the Samezuka Captain would want some answers and talking might help the time pass by more comfortably. 

“I’m not sure what caused it, but… We went into the convenience store near the place we intended to meet up.” Rei said as he motioned to himself, as well as Nagisa and Gou. “And Makoto-Senpai said he’d go meet up with Haruka-senpai and Rin-san. As we were coming out of the store, Makoto-senpai ran past us and he looked upset about something. I yelled out to him as he got closer to the street but he didn’t hear me… Then the car…” Rei stopped there, letting Mikoshiba fill in the blanks on his own. The older boy’s expression changed from attentive to troubled as he looked down at the trembling redhead in his grasp. 

“So you three saw it then…” The Captain said quietly as he rubbed Gou’s shoulder. He didn’t elaborate, but then again, he didn’t need to. Rei knew what he meant. Yeah.. They saw it. Everything had seemed to slow down for him at least and they had stood in shocked silence until Nagisa managed to move. Rei doubted that that image would ever leave any of their minds. For Rei, the worst part wasn’t the impact of that car. It was the image of Makoto lying motionless in the road afterward. 

Rei was readying his response when the doors to the waiting room opened again and a middle aged man burst through the door carrying a little girl with an orca plushie held tightly against her tiny body. He raced to the desk in a matter of moments, his long legs helping him to cover the distance quite easily. Shortly after, a woman and a little boy followed but they didn’t go to the desk. She led the child over to Haru, who remained undisturbed by the noise. 

Rei listened to the woman call Haru’s name a few times and the little boy helped try and wake him as well. Eventually the man at the desk made his way over to them and sat the little girl in his arms on a nearby chair. He gently moved the woman to the side and pulled Haru into a sitting position, patting his face lightly at first and then slightly harder. Haru groaned as he adjusted to the white light coming from the ceiling and the unfamiliar place. He blinked several times as he looked into the worried face of Makoto’s father. 

“Oji-san?” Haru said quietly as confused blue eyes scanned the room quickly. He glanced at Mikoshiba and Gou like he had missed something and then over to Rei and Nagisa. Then it struck him. The blood on Rei’s clothes and Nagisa’s hands…. He jumped up suddenly; almost knocking the older man over with the force of his movement, but Makoto’s father maintained his balance and jumped up to restrain Haru in his panic. “Makoto!” Haru called out in desperation, his eyes frantically searching for his friend. 

“Haruka-kun. You need to calm down.” The older man said as he wrapped his arms around the frantic teen’s shoulders. He pulled Haru against him and threaded his fingers through onxy colored locks. “Everything will be okay.” It was then that the woman tried to take Haru’s hand in hers, attempting to be more reassuring than she looked. It was clear she had cried and that she was terribly worried. And who could blame her. Her oldest son was in the hospital, condition unknown and it had been at least two hours now. 

She stilled her hand however when her fingers brushed the object in Haru’s grasp. For a moment, she just stared at the black frames in Haru’s vice-like grip and she couldn’t stop the tears that formed in her eyes. They didn’t spill over though. She too wrapped her arms around Haru as best she could, trying to help her husband calm him. The twins sat huddled together in a large chair, both confused by Haru’s outburst. They’d never seen him like this and it was easy to tell that they were scared. 

Rei watched the scene unfold from his spot under Nagisa with a frown. This was too much for them to handle. This waiting was the worst possible feeling in the world. It was wearing on him and Rin the most though. They were the only two of the group that hadn’t been able to wear themselves out to the point of exhaustion. As gently as he could, Rei slid out from underneath Nagisa and onto the floor with a graceless thud. He wanted to be able to help with Haru if he could and he could see that even Mikoshiba was ready to jump up and help if he had to. 

////

Haru was at a loss. All he could do was stand there listening to the even breathing of Makoto’s father as he held him and the shaking voice of his best friends mom as she told him it would be okay. He looked at the ceiling and tried his best not to let the pulling in his chest drag him under. He couldn’t think clearly and he wasn’t even really aware of where they were at. A hospital? His eyes became unfocused and dull as he gently pulled away from his aunt and uncle. He’d taken to looking down at the floor, unable to meet their gaze. 

He wasn’t even aware that Rei had approached them and started to explain things. Haru stepped backwards and sat in the chair next to the twins. Looking over at them, the ache in his heart only deepened. Ran was holding onto Makoto’s old Orca plushie, teary eye shut tight while Ren held her close. A brief flash of Makoto holding the toy from their childhood caused Haru to clench his fists slightly. They were both just as scared as Haru was. Makoto was their brother. He had always been there for them. 

Haru felt his lips form a tight line as he slowly took a knee in front of the frightened children. Still holding Makoto’s glasses, Haru opened his arms to the twins. He needed to comfort them just as much as he needed to be comforted. Ren, who had been so strong up to this point, looked at Haru with watery eyes before leaping into his arms. 

Ran followed seconds later and Haru wrapped his arms tightly around the two crying children who were like siblings to him. Makoto’s family meant so much to him and he knew he had to at least try to offer what little help he could. Makoto wouldn’t want his siblings to cry like this. He wouldn’t want anybody to cry for him. He was so selfless that Haru was certain the first thing that would come out of his mouth when he woke up would be ‘Are you alright, Haru?’ 

Time seemed to move at a normal pace after that. Haru sat in the recliner he had reclaimed with the twins on either side of him. He hadn’t spoken, merely observed from a distance as he tried his best to fill the role of a comforting older brother. He realized that with the twins here, he was able to calm down a little and think about other things. Makoto was at the forefront of his mind, of course, but as he looked around the waiting room, his worry continued to grow. 

Nagisa was asleep on a couch, curled up in a tiny ball with his back to the room. Rei was doing his best to explain and apologize to Makoto’s parents and they, in turn, tried to soothe him. Gou and the Samezuka Captain lay together in a chair at the opposite end of the room. She was asleep as well and he was staring at the nearest wall, lost in his thoughts. Rin was nowhere to be seen. 

That ignited a spark of curiosity inside Haru as he contemplated the reasons Rin would have left. Was it possible that Rin couldn’t handle it? Haru understood that at least… He had been so distraught that he had passed out and now he was too emotionally drained to do anything but lay there and look around. But that didn’t stop his mind from working on overdrive and it replayed the scenes from the accident in a loop, continuously cycling through the memory of Makoto’s dull gaze. 

The spark that was Makoto was gone in that moment and Haru knew without a doubt that the look on his best friend’s face would haunt him forever. Makoto had never looked so… empty. Even when he slept, Makoto had some sort of expression on his face but there.. Laying in the street, Makoto’s face was blank. The sound of a door opening jolted Haru out of his thoughts and the twins stared up at him curiously. 

The freestyle swimmer’s blue met with red and Haru’s shoulders slumped slightly. So Rin had wandered off… The sight of the redhead only increased Haru’s anxiety. He could tell from where he sat that Rin hadn’t been able to hold it together as completely as Haru thought he would. A small figure with silvery hair stood next to Rin, his large blue eyes showing nothing but support and courage and Haru had to wonder how, of all the people that Rin could have been attracted to, why the redhead didn’t choose him? 

Nitori was Rin’s shadow before this and now, Haru could easily see that the small fragile looking boy was now his rock. A strong shoulder for Rin to lean on. It made Haru hurt just a little more on the inside. Nagisa had Rei, Gou had Mikoshiba, and Rin had Nitori.. So where was Haru’s rock? His shoulder to lean on? He knew… His rock currently in a hospital bed, crumbling away. Makoto was Haru’s ever present shield from the things that Haru didn’t want to face, and the blue eyed boy now realized just how much he’d taken Makoto’s presence for granted. 

////

For the third time, in less than an hour, a door opened into the waiting room and a man dressed in white stepped in, casually looking over the group before settling his eyes on the oldest looking man in the room. Makoto’s father looked apprehensive as the doctor approached him with a clipboard. Makoto’s mother came to stand at her husband’s side and she took his hand gently. “Mr and Mrs Tachibana?” The doctor said as he looked down at his notes. The couple nodded their heads and again, the doctor looked around the room at the small group that had gathered there. “Might I have a word with you in private.” The doctor said calmly. As if sensing the uprising protests from everyone in the room, Makoto’s father held up his free hand and shook his head. 

“In here is fine. We’re all family.” He said and the doctor nodded. The tension was high in the room and the doctor could see the concern etched on each of their faces. He steeled himself and spoke as calmly as possible.

“We’ve done everything we can for now. Your son is in a stable condition. He has a mild concussion, a broken arm, and a deep laceration on his leg that required several stitches. He’s got several cuts, scraps, and bruises, as well as a few fractured ribs. He’s resting comfortably and his life is no longer in any danger. “ The doctor smiled at the ‘family’ and he could feel the tension in the room ease significantly. Makoto’s parents continued to talk with the doctor, before leaving the room with him. Rei was the first to react to the news. 

Everyone had been sitting in stunned silence afraid that if they moved or spoke that the doctor would change his mind. Rei felt all the nervous tension seep out of him and he dropped to his knees as a wave of relief surrounded him and he cried. Everything around him seemed to collapse and he had never been so happy in his life. Makoto-senpai was going to be okay. Haruka-senpai was going to be okay too. Everyone was going to be fine. Nagisa would smile again, and Makoto would be able to smile in return, just like he always had. 

Rei felt arms wrap around him and he looked up through bleary eyes to see Rin holding him gently, spilling tears of his own and Nitori was standing not far behind. “You did good Rei… Thank you.” Rin said quietly and the blue haired boy nodded. 

“He’s going to be okay… I’m so happy. Rin-san.. He’s okay…” Rei whimpered between soft sobs as he was rocked and soothed by the one person he didn’t expect it from. After a few more minutes, Rei separated himself from Rin with a shaky smile. He needed to wake up Nagisa and let him know. It took a bit of coaxing, but eventually, Nagisa’s big red eyes opened to see Rei kneeling on the floor in front of him. “Nagisa-kun.. We’re at the hospital.” Rei said softly and the small blond nodded as he looked around. Everyone was here except.. “He’s fine. Makoto-senpai is going to be fine.” 

Rei’s words took a minute to reach Nagisa and when they did, the small blond looked as though he was going cry. Rei opened his arms for Nagisa and, with the force of a small hurricane, the little body plowed into Rei, knocking him backwards onto the floor. They held each other tightly and Rei couldn’t see anyone else at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit Rei... You are so cute. <3 Comments are loved. Let me know what you think, ne?


	4. Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This focuses on Haru almost entirely. *throws plot twist at*

“No.”  
“Haruka-kun… Please. We’ll all come back first thing in the morning.”  
“No! I’m not leaving until they let me see him.”  
A sigh escaped Makoto’s father as he turned to look at his wife. They had been having this conversation with Haru for at least twenty minutes, but the boy wouldn’t budge. He refused to leave even when Rin and Mikoshiba had tried to carry him out. They argued that staying here would accomplish nothing and that no matter what Haru said or did, he was just going to end up sitting in the waiting room all night by himself. Haru didn’t care. He was use to spending most nights alone unless Makoto stayed over or he stayed over at Makoto’s. So this wouldn’t be any different. The distance was about the same. 

Haru folded his arms over his chest from his perch in the recliner, his blank expression giving off nothing but defiance. In the end, his stubborn will won out and everyone eventually left Haru to his own devices. Ran had even left her plushie with him, telling Haru to give it to Makoto when he woke up. It wasn’t like he was going to be alone all night. The toy in his lap made sure of that. It coaxed his mind into playing through memories that meant the most to him at various stages in their lives together. The first one involving the stuffed toy that sat so innocently in his lap. 

Makoto had been afraid to go to school, their first day of kindergarten and his mother allowed him to take it with him. Makoto had cried on the way there and Haru remembered thinking that he’d try to make Makoto see that there was nothing to be afraid of. The room they were in was full of kids, some crying as well and some not. Makoto was trying his best to hold his tears at bay as his mother left and told him she’d return after work. Makoto had cried after she left, but he wasn’t as loud as the other kids. He just stood there by the door quietly weeping into his stuffed animal until Haru walked over and took his hand. He was fine after that. 

The memory made Haru smile slightly as his fingers brushed over the spot he remembered those tears falling. Even as a little boy, Makoto tried his best to be selfless and understanding. And Haru was sure that if they had not grown up together, more people would have tried to use Makoto’s sweet and gentle disposition for their own gain. But Haru had always protected him against bullies and other things that the green eyed boy was too innocent to be aware of. 

It always surprised Haru how naïve Makoto could be. He tired to see the best in everyone no matter the circumstances. He’d even given his lunch to a boy at school because the boy forgot to bring his and had whined to him about it. And Makoto, being the sweetest person alive, gave his food away without a second thought. It only ever happened on the days Haru was absent though. Nobody would try that with him sitting there. 

Haru’s thoughts carried him still further, remembering their birthdays through the years, field trips, swimming together, and how whenever Haru would get sick, Makoto would come over and read to him. Stories about the ocean and fantastical creatures and his eyes would sparkle because he knew just how badly Haru wanted to be one. Makoto had even tried to draw a picture of Haru with a fish tail. It wasn’t the best drawing in the world, but Haru treasured it. He even replicated it with his own pencil. Then he drew one for Makoto of the two of them with tails under the water. Even now, he knew that picture was hanging up on Makoto’s bedroom wall like some priceless treasure. 

Haru pulled himself from his thoughts as he stared down to the plush toy in his lap. He’d never wanted to hear Makoto’s voice so badly before. He could imagine it, but it wasn’t the same.. He eyed the blue phone sitting on the chair next to his and his breath caught for a moment. Did he still have it? He picked up the phone, staring at the time for a moment with a raised brow. It was already after 1am. Haru searched his voicemail for the message he had received last night while he was in the bath tub. 

‘Hey Haru. It’s me. Nagisa called and wanted to confirm plans for tomorrow. I know you’re in the tub so I’ll stay up until you call me back.’ Then the dial tone sounded and Haru gripped his chest. Just the sound of Makoto’s voice was enough to send him spiraling again. He had so many questions and none of them had been answered. So much confusion and uncertainty and the worst part was the regret. Why had Makoto run into the street? What could have made him react that way? What was he running from? Was he scared of something? 

His mind just wouldn’t stop. Even his dreams that night were plagued by images of Makoto lying in the road. And when Haru tried to run to him, he began to fade until there was nothing left and the spot where Makoto lay was just a red stain on the ground. Over and over, the dream played on a loop until his heart couldn’t take it anymore. He bolted upright, clinging to the stuffed whale like a frightened little boy to his mother’s leg. “Makoto…” 

The sun had crept into the waiting room and Haru felt the anxiety from the night before seep into his skin, leaving a prickling sensation that only increased his nervousness. He stuffed his phone in his pocket and made his way to the desk with the stuffed toy held tightly in one hand. He needed to see him and he wouldn’t be denied any longer. He asked the nurse at the desk if he would be able to go back and she looked at him curiously. 

He gave her his name and she thumbed through Makoto’s chart quietly, looking for the necessary papers. Finally she nodded and rose to her feet. “Your name is in the chart as a family member.” Haru silently thanked Makoto’s parents and followed her through the double doors that led back into the intensive care unit. They had said they were going to keep Makoto in this wing until he woke up and then he would be transferred to primary care if everything checked out. 

Haru had heard everything when the doctor spoke and his heart had never felt so tight. But knowing Makoto was going to be alright and seeing him with his own two eyes were completely different things. Until he saw his friend’s smiling face, he wouldn’t be able to believe it entirely. His mind’s eye still showed him the ghastly image of Makoto motionless and dull in the road. The nurse led Haru down a long hallway and finally she stopped at an open door right next to the nurse’s station in the unit and Haru hesitated. 

The woman smiled patiently, seeming to understand Haru’s plight. From where he stood, the room was dark. There were no lights on, but the curtains were open so that some light could fill the room. He reasoned that it would be easier on Makoto’s eyes when he woke up than the harsh fluorescents in the hallway. Steeling himself, Haru stepped up to the door and into the room as quietly as he could with his eyes cast down. He didn’t want to see this, but he knew he had to look. If he wanted to see Makoto smile again, he’d have to look at him. 

Blue eyes focused on a spot on the floor, slowly drifting upward along the side of the bed. The first thing he saw was Makoto’s hand and the IV taped carefully to the back of it. He followed the tube up Makoto’s arm to and he felt new tears prickle his eyes. Another image that would never leave him.. Another sight that would forever crush his chest in agony. Like when Makoto was laying on the beach, not breathing, or when he was lying in the road covered in his own blood… This image of him covered in bandages and surrounded by blinking lights and life saving equipment would forever prove just how close they had come to losing him forever. 

Haru studied Makoto’s face from his stop by the door. There were bandages around his head, weaving through his hair and across his forehead. He had a bandage on his cheek to cover the bruise that Haru had gently touched before the EMTs had arrived. Makoto wore a breathing mask over his mouth and nose and Haru could see his lips were parted slightly. His chest rose and fell evenly and the expression on Makoto’s face was a peaceful one at least. 

Haru made his way to the bed and slowly, gently slid his hand against Makoto’s palm. The black haired boy bit his bottom lip when he realized how cold Makoto’s hand was. How much longer would he have to wait for that smile that he so longed to see? For those sparkling eyes and for the chance to ease his regret. As soon as he knew Makoto would be conscious enough to understand, Haru would tell him. He would let Makoto know just how much he needed him. Or at least that’s what he planned to do. The chances of him buckling under the pressure and just sitting there willing Makoto to read his mind were higher than he wanted to admit. 

He rubbed his fingers over Makoto’s palm and pulled up the chair that sat near the edge of the bed. He wasn’t going to leave until Makoto woke up. Still holding his friend’s hand, Haru settled into the hard chair with the orca plushie in his lap. 

Around noon, Makoto’s parents returned with the twins and some food for Haru to eat. Because Makoto was the only patient in the wing at the moment, the nurses allowed the whole family back at once, but warned them not to be loud or to disturb their patient. The twins had been scared at first when they saw all the blinking lights and machines hooked up to their older brother and they had clung to their mother with uncertainty. It was a feeling Haru could relate to. He had been scared too. He still was. He didn’t know what all the tubes and wires and dripping liquids were for. 

Haru continued to sit and hold Makoto’s hand through the entire visit. It wasn’t until the family left again that Haru had gotten up to use the restroom, and even then, he returned to his perch. Nagisa, and Rei had shown up later in the afternoon and a nurse tried her best to explain to them what everything was for. Rei seemed to understand it all the most, and she was thankful. The visit was uneventful for the most part. Rei and Haru sat in silence as they listened to Nagisa talk to Makoto about random things ranging from tv shows to plots against Rei. It was almost normal. If they hadn’t been in a hospital, Haru could picture Makoto smiling while Nagisa cooked up his latest adventure for them. 

The little blond wasn’t easily swayed once he set his mind to something and he was determined that Makoto would hear him and wake up. It wasn’t until Rei left to get them some drinks that anything happened. A soft, barely audible moan caused both Nagisa and Haru to snap their attention to Makoto’s face and they both stood motionless on either side of the bed while they waited in anticipation. 

What could have only been seconds felt like years to the two as they hovered over the bed, breaths held and as silent as humanly possible. Again, the weakened sound filled their ears, only slightly louder than the time before and Haru almost felt tears form when Makoto’s eyes fluttered ever so softly. Slowly, unfocused green scanned the room in confusion. They settled on Nagisa first, gradually taking in the little blond’s face and blinking occasionally. 

“Mako-chan..?” Nagisa spoke softly as he reached out to touch Makoto’s un-bandaged cheek causing the larger boy to look at him for a moment with mild confusion evident in his eyes. It was almost as if Makoto didn’t recognize the boy. It took him several minutes and, during that time frame, Nagisa had brought himself to tears again. Finally, Makoto’s eyes flashed with recognition and he tried to smile, but the bruise on his cheek stopped him. 

“Na..gi..sa..” He said, his voice hoarse from the air being pushed down his throat by the oxygen mask. He tried to speak again but the little blond hushed him and pointed across the bed. Haru still clutched Makoto’s hand and he had remained silent for their small exchange. He wanted to make Makoto look at him right away, but he couldn’t find his voice. 

“Haru-chan hasn’t left your side. He’s been here since yesterday afternoon.” Nagisa said as Makoto turned his head to look at Haru. The expression Makoto wore wasn’t the one Haru wanted to see. Instead of slow recognition, Haru was given confusion and uncertainty. Green eyes continued to stare at Haru and the freestyle swimmer suddenly wanted to back away. The look in Makoto’s eyes told him that his closest friend had no idea who he was. 

“Mako-chan?” Nagisa called, his own confusion evident in his voice. “Mako-chan… You know who he is right? Right?” The blond questioned as his small fingered tangled in the sheets on the bed. Makoto turned and looked back at Nagisa briefly before returning his gaze to Haru. 

“I… I don’t remember…” Makoto said quietly. Haru slowly pulled his hand away from Makoto’s and stared at his own palm, looking at it as if it held the answer he was asking for. Blue met green once more and Haru tried his best to convey what he was feeling, but to the other two he just looked lost. What could he say? How do you respond when the person you treasure most doesn’t know who you are? When your other half suddenly stares at like you are just another face in the crowd. 

Haru took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself. What was he supposed to do now? Makoto didn’t have any idea who he was… Should he go home? No… His mid answered that question immediately. He couldn’t leave, even if Makoto didn’t know who he was right now, Haru still knew Makoto. But still.. He needed a moment alone. “I’ll… Uh.. I think I need some fresh air.” Haru said quietly as he turned and made his way out of the room despite Nagisa calling out to him. 

He needed to think… To figure out why Makoto forgot him. Haru always thought that they would always be together, no matter what life threw at them. It wasn’t until Haru reached the roof of the building that he realized he was still clutching the orca plushie that Ran had told him to give to Makoto. He stared at the toy for a moment before hugging it to his chest and sliding down the wall next to the door that led back inside. Memories filled his head again as he drew his knees up and choked out a soft sob. 

Makoto couldn’t remember him. Every memory he had of them together was gone and they may never come back. He remembered Nagisa.. Which means he’d probably remember Rin. What if he remembered everyone but Haru? What if Makoto was never able to recall how close they were? Haru wouldn’t know what to do then. Another sob escaped the quiet boy and he clung tighter to the toy in his arms. He didn’t want to think about a future without his Makoto in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may go through and edit this chapter. >> I'm not sure how I feel about it.


	5. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I would like to get down on my hands and knees and humbly beg for forgiveness for taking so long to update. D: Holidays, birthdays, and work put me in a choke hold. @_@ This chapter is kind of long, and might be considered boring to some of you... But it's setting up for some things so... Give it a chance?

Rei returned to Makoto’s room with three people in tow as well as an arm full of drinks for himself, Haru, and Nagisa. He hadn’t minded walking down to the cafeteria at all honestly. He had been getting restless after just sitting in the quiet room for so long and it seem that Nagisa, of all people, picked up on his discomfort. He’d even given Rei some money to help pay for the beverages, which was unusual, but then.. Nothing in this situation was usual. It wasn’t everyday that someone in their close nit group of friends ended up in the hospital on life support. Rei wouldn’t be able to handle that… 

Sure there was that incident at the beach, which Rei still felt very guilty about, but no one was hurt then. Not seriously anyway. It was always Makoto who suffered the most, it seemed. Makoto, who dove into the fearsome ocean to try and save him only to have his nightmare nearly swallow him whole. Makoto, who must have witnessed something that he couldn’t handle to make him run like he did. It’s always the beautiful ones that seem to have to suffer the most, Rei thought bitterly. 

It was on his way back from the cafeteria, that his musings were interrupted by a decidedly feminine voice and Rei looked up to see Gou, Rin, and Nitori in the waiting room. Rin was, of course, harassing the nurse behind the desk while Nitori attempted to quell the storm that was Rin Matsuoka. Rei’s entrance had spared the poor nurse and the abrasive redhead had turned on the blue haired boy like a predator. He wanted answers that Rei didn’t have. 

The look on the younger boy’s face might have said as much, because Rin’s expression softened a bit when he looked Rei over. The apprehensive first year looked drained. Rei expected to hear a list of demands from the redhead, but they never came. Gou, who had moved to stand next to her brother, was the one to ask the question that was written on all of their faces. “Any changes?” 

The hopefulness in her voice was evident and also clearly expressed in her pretty red eyes. That positive expression looked so much better on her than sadness did. She looked just as tired as he felt, but tired was better than the aching uncertainty he’d seen in her puffy red eyes just yesterday. Rei offered a somewhat blank smile and shook his head. 

“Nothing yet. It’s been about thirty or so minutes since I was last in there. He was sleeping comfortably then. Nagisa-kun was talking to him and Haruka-senpai was sitting beside the bed. His family has been in and out most of the day also. Nagisa-kun and I saw them leaving as we were coming in and we spoke with them a bit. They look… tired.” That was really the only word Rei could use for all of them at this point. Even the bright and energetic Nagisa was slowed from his natural break-neck pace today. 

Rei’s violet gaze fell over the group again and he couldn’t stop the sympathetic smile that graced his face. They all wanted to see Makoto so bad. Even Nitori looked anxious to see how their friend was doing and, despite the dark situation they were in, it warmed Rei’s heart. He wondered briefly if Makoto-senpai knew just how many people loved him. Despite his own desires, Nitori was the first to speak up after the report was given. “Rei-san. Go ahead and take Senpai and Gou-chan back to see him. I’ll wait here.” 

Rei had been about to protest, but was surprised when Rin beat him to it. The redhead rounded on his little shadow and folded his arms in a clearly threatening manner. His normally handsome face was scrunched up in agitation and he tapped his foot a few times before speaking in a tone that, for all others, warranted no argument. But Nitori wasn’t afraid of Rin anymore and his threats often rolled off the smaller boy’s shoulders with ease. 

“To hell with that, Ai. You’re coming too!” Rin said and Nitori instantly replied with ‘but Senpai!’ only to be cut off by Rin’s tirade. Rei just shook his head at the pair. Gou sighed as she tried to separate them, but she wasn’t really trying that hard. Nitori eventually conceded defeat and Rin looked at Rei with an air of finality. Rei understood. He was unaware of the smile that crossed his face at the pair. He nodded at Rin and turned to Nitori. 

“You are a friend as well. And I’m certain Makoto-senpai will want to see you just as much as everyone else. Please don’t worry.” With that Rei tuned toward the desk offering a polite, “Please excuse me a moment.” He approached the desk and presented his visitors badge and made his request for his trio of friend to join him. The nurse seemed hesitant and Rei was about to press the matter when another woman appeared behind the desk and said something to the other woman. Rei felt relieved for the new face because she convinced the reluctant nurse to see them through. 

Finally she nodded and offered Rei three more badges, reminding him sternly to be quiet as she did. Her gaze drifted to Rin specifically before she resumed her work. Rei thanked her politely as he took the badges and offered them to his friends while expertly balancing the drinks he carried. “Follow me.” Rei said and he led the way through the door the doctor had come out of the day before. The walk back to the room was tense for the three behind him, just as it had been for him and Nagisa. 

A casual glance over his shoulder showed Gou holding tightly onto her brother’s arm, her soft features furrowed with worry while Rin remained stern by her side. The anxiety Rin felt was clearly visible on the redheaded boy’s face and only seemed to intensify as they got closer to the room. Rei took note of Rin’s clenched jaw and furrowed brow and couldn’t help but wonder if the older boy was going to be okay. Nitori behind the siblings, his azure gaze trailing after Rin, but Rei could tell he was nervous too. Nitori was chewing his lip and that was normally a habitual outward sign of nervousness, Rei thought matter-of-factly. 

That was always his go-to when he was nervous… Trying to assess and explain to himself why other people did what they did. And Rei had to admit that he was still nervous. He didn’t know what had happened while he was gone. What if Makoto-senpai was still asleep? What if he was awake? What would Rin do once they were in there? More questions to ponder and even more anxiety to deal with were Rei’s reward for thinking. He sighed as he stepped up to the door and peered in quietly. 

Violet eyes widened suddenly and without warning the first year bolted into Makoto’s dimly lit room without so much as a word to the three behind him. They didn’t even cross his mind at this point. Makoto was awake! He was really awake. The nurses had said it could be days before he woke up, but there he was, green eyes focused on Nagisa who stood at his side. Once in the room, Rei set the drinks on the bed side table that they had been using and hurried to Makoto’s bedside. The side where Haru had been. 

Rei paid no attention to anything else as he inspected his Senpai with happy tears prickling the corners of his eyes. It wasn’t until he chanced a glance at Nagisa that he began to realize something was off. He could hear gasps of relief and surprise from both Gou and Nitori as the trio piled into the room to see what had Rei excited, but the blue haired boy was too concerned about his little blond friend to say anything to them. Nagisa should be happy, but he wasn’t. His small hands were curled into the sheets and he was looking down at the fabric with a faraway gaze. 

“Nagisa… What’s-“ Rei started, but Rin chose that moment to move into the room and express himself with a very colorful word when his eyes locked onto the reason for the excitement inside. Rei cast him a brief glance before returning his gaze to the small blond remained quiet across the bed. He silently made his way around the bed while Makoto, and the other three watched him curiously. Rei was too focused to notice though. Nagisa was hurting over something and Rei wanted to make him feel better. 

Sadness was not something he liked seeing in his best friend’s eyes. Whatever was wrong with Nagisa needed to be resolved and Rei silently made it his personal mission to fix this. Gently Rei turned Nagisa to face him with concern etched into his face. He didn’t need to speak to know Nagisa would understand what he was asking. It was a strange development their relationship had taken recently, but Rei found that he was quite glad it had happened. He didn’t want to make Nagisa uncomfortable with so many prying eyes on them. The small blond met Rei’s gaze momentarily before burying his face in the other boy’s chest. 

“There, there…” Rei cooed softly into Nagisa’s hair, reassuring the small blond that it was going to be alright. Rin’s voice broke the awkward silence that had crept into the room like a steel pan hitting a tile floor.   
“Oi, Makoto!” He called a little louder than necessary. “You feeling okay?” It seemed to be the distraction everyone needed and they all, save for Nagisa, turned their attention toward the redhead. Makoto turned back to look at the source of the voice and he stared at him blankly for a moment. Slowly, recognition flared in his emerald eyes and Makoto blinked a few times before he finally spoke. 

“I remember all of you.” He said quietly, a bit of confusion evident on his face as his mind continued working as if trying to solve a puzzle that was missing several pieces. His voice was slightly parched and Rei could see the light returning to Makoto’s eyes with every face he recalled. But something was missing. That normally blinding and vibrant light was dimmed, like someone was holding a film over them. The warmth and tenderness was still there and Rei knew for a fact that nothing short of a full lobotomy could change that. 

But where there was always compassion, confusion now lingered. But why? Nagisa knew… And Rei wanted him to share so that he could help. Help Nagisa smile again, and help Makoto to get rid of that confusion that was so unlike him. “Nagisa-kun?” Rei said softly, brushing his fingers through blond locks in an attempt to get the smaller boy’s attention while the others were preoccupied. Nagisa looked up from where he had his nose buried in Rei’s chest meeting his violet gaze with uncertainty. 

Quietly, almost so much that Rei had to strain to hear, the little blond began to whisper the cause of his distress. The taller of the two visibly tensed and he gasped out loud, drawing the stares of everyone else in the room to him, their eyes shining with curiosity. Rei paid them no mind as he released a shaky sigh and raised a hand to adjust his glasses before speaking. “Where is he?” Rei asked quietly. Nagisa gave a half shrug and a offered another whispered answer before returning to the chair he had previously been occupying. He perched himself beside Makoto’s bed again and returned to fisting his small hands into the sheets. 

Rei nodded reassuringly at the blond as he turned and made his way to the door. He blushed instantly when he realized he had an audience and quickly looked away. Everyone was staring at him and Rei had never really been one to be able to handle that kind of pressure. “I’ll… Uhhh. I just remembered I forgot something..” It was an easy lie to see through, but no one questioned him as he left the room and for that, Rei was grateful. 

////

Rin watched the scene between Rei and Nagisa with barely contained patience, tapping his foot against the tile. His arms were folded across his chest, brow furrowed as his ruby gaze shifted between the two first years. Rei looked incredibly alarmed for a moment while Nagisa just looked… sad. Rin decided he didn’t like that one bit and he was certain that the rest of his friends felt the same way. Nagisa was supposed to be a live wire, sparking everything to life within a fifty foot radius of himself. His positive energy was like electricity as it passed through each of them, warming them up with his crazy ways and sing-song voice. 

Before he could voice his opinion on the matter, Rei made a speedy exit spouting off some crock about forgetting something while Nagisa retreaded back to his chair. Rin huffed in annoyance. It wasn’t really at the people involved, but the situation itself. This one incident had changed them all in one way or another. He shook it off and moved to sit in the chair that Haru had previously occupied, mentally calming himself. Makoto was the most important right now after all. Rin leaned forward slightly, his red eyes meeting soft jade and his tough guy act faltered just a bit. 

That gentle expression was still there. Underneath all of the bandages and tubes Makoto still looked at everyone with those soft eyes, silently coaxing them to spill their hearts to him. There was always reassurance for others in those eyes, but never for himself. He was hurt and probably scared, but here he was, silently trying to ask Rin if he was okay. Rin took a deep breath before casting his gaze away from those welcoming eyes before he began speaking again. “You never did answer my question… How are you feeling?” Rin asked again. 

The redhead glanced up at Makoto through his bangs and when green met red, Rin felt relief sweep through him for the second time in as many days. The first time had been when the doctor had announced that Makoto would live. This time, it was because he could finally see it for himself. Makoto was awake, talking, and would be fine. For the briefest of moments, Rin almost wanted to cry again. He was silently grateful that his red locks were shielding his face from all the others in the room save for Makoto. He settled for squeezing his hands tightly together as he waited for Makoto’s answer. 

Makoto seemed to be giving a fair bit of thought to his answer though and he took a few minutes to gather his bearings before continuing. “I’ll be fine.” The brunette said cheerfully, or rather, as cheerfully as he could manage under the influence of the pain medication. Rin didn’t hesitate in sending a trademark glare in Makoto’s direction. When the brunette flinched at the glare and then hissed in pain, Rin felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He panicked for a moment, standing up to lean over the bed, apologizing profusely as Makoto’s breathing evened out and the quick tears of pain that had gathered spilled down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry… Just… um just try and relax… Dammit.” Rin said as he reached out and tried his best to rub soothing circles on Makoto’s left shoulder. It seemed to work and Rin released a sigh of relief. He hadn’t noticed him move, but when Rin looked back Nitori was now standing at his side and Gou had moved around to stand near Nagisa. They were both looking down at Makoto with worry, but Rin noticed that Nitori’s worry was for him too. 

“Give him a moment Senpai. Let him calm down.” The younger boy said softly as he placed a gentle hand on Rin’s shoulder, quietly guiding him back to the chair. Rin sat down heavily, causing the chair to scoot a few inches across the tile floor. He immediately pressed his face into the palms of his hands and didn’t look up. He could hear both Gou and Nagisa gently speaking to Makoto to calm him and keep him from hurting himself more. 

Rin would never admit it out lout, but Nitori’s hand on his shoulder was keeping him together. If he had felt like crying before, right now he knew one word could make or break him and he was practically on pins and needles. Nitori’s hand shifted slightly on his shoulder and Rin could tell by the placement that the smaller boy was now in front of him, probably kneeling. He could hear Gou laughing and there was even a small chuckle from Nagisa. He even picked up a few words that made him want to jump up and yell at the little blond. Something like ‘..even made Rin cry..’ right in the middle of it. 

“It’s alright now Senpai. Tachibana-san is alright. He’s waiting for you to get it together.” Nitori added playfully. Rin’s head shot up and he tried his best to glare at the small silver haired boy, but all he got in response was a cute little grin and a half hearted attempt to shield himself from Rin’s ‘wrath’. Nitori was even stifling a laugh. 

“Ai….” Rin tried to sound threatening. He really did, but he knew the instant Nitori started laughing that he had failed. He sighed heavily as he reached out and playfully shoved at Nitori’s shoulder before returning to the task at hand. The mood in the room had significantly lightened to the point that a small fraction of Nagisa’s smile had even returned. “Sorry Makoto…” Rin said sheepishly and the brunette simply smiled at him and shook his head. 

“No Rin.. You were right. I.. lied.” Makoto said as the shame crossed his face for doing such a thing. “I just didn’t want you to worry anymore.” 

“Mako-chan.. We are always going to worry. That’s part of caring for each other.” Nagisa chirped from his perch on the chair. Rin assumed that the little sunspot was putting on a show for Makoto so that the older boy didn’t worry any more than he had to. 

“Yeah. You just worry about yourself for once. Sheesh.” Gou added as she folded her arms in a very ‘Rin’ like manner, causing them all to chuckle softly. Once he agreed, albeit reluctantly, Makoto rewound his mind back to his initial worries. He took a calming breath before attempting to explain himself. His eyes met Rin’s as he spoke, seeking guidance if there was any to be had. 

“I remember all of you..” Makoto said again, but this time he continued. I remembered Nagisa first. And I know you Rin. And Rei, and Gou-chan. Even Nitori-kun. My memory .. It’s blotchy. I remember my family and school, but there’s something missing. It’s a big part of me, but I can’t remember what it was. It’s been there all my life but I suddenly don’t know what it is.” Makoto finished, taking a breath and relaxing a bit into the cushions. His eyes remained on Rin for a moment before shifting away. 

“What do you think it is?” Gou asked from her position beside the bed as she gently laced her fingers with Makoto’s hand. It wasn’t Makoto’s voice that answered though. 

“Haru…” Nagisa’s voice broke the silence like a gigantic splash on the surface of a calm flat lake. 

“What?!” Rin responded immediately, rising from his chair and shaking his head in disbelief. “No way. That’s not possible.”

“It’s Haru-chan… the thing he’s missing.” Nagisa continued, ignoring Rin’s outburst. “He never said Haru-chan’s name when he said he remembered us.” The small blond pointed out as he rubbed at his eyes. “The thing that’s always been beside him that he’s missing is Haru-chan, but..” Nagisa paused to steady his voice and he looked straight at Rin. 

“Haru-chan was here when Mako-chan woke up. Sitting in that very chair. But Mako-chan didn’t recognize him. He looked at Haru-chan like he was a stranger.” Nagisa finished quietly and he put his own small hand over Gou’s now trembling one. The looks the all gave him now were the same. Shock mixed with disbelief and a tiny bit of fear. Makoto and Haru were like two sides of the same coin. They were different enough to stand out as an individual, but they were both part of each other. Always there to comfort and confide in each other, to reach out to each other like no one else could. But someone had broken it. 

They needed each other to survive, that much Rin knew for certain. One without the other was unthinkable. Rin glanced back at Makoto and wasn’t really that surprised to see the tallest of their group staring at Nagisa with a somber apology on his face, like it was entirely his own fault that he couldn’t remember. It was almost like he felt as though Nagisa blamed him or something. Rin groaned in frustration, drawing Makoto’s attention back to him. 

More questions on top of the ones already piling up but one stood out more vividly than the others. He wanted so badly to ask but was sure Makoto wouldn’t have an answer. He wasn’t even aware that his mouth had twisted into a pained grimace and he lowered his head slightly. Makoto… He thought almost desperately as he gripped the fabric of his pants fiercely with both hands. Why did you run?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rei's such a cute little super hero. <3 Always trying to help if he can. Also... Here's a question for you. How do you think Rin will take it when he find's out that it was him who pretty much caused all of this? >} *Evil laugh*


	6. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone is ooc... (Imagine that right?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking so long to update this. This chapter didn't want to be written. I also had some life things that happened that I needed to take care of. Surgery, unemployment, back to school etc. For anyone who has been with this from the beginning, I truly hope this is worth the wait. It should be easier for me to push out chapter's now that I've gotten over this hill. I also want to thank everyone who's read this. T_T You guys are too good for me. -is trash-

Haru stared blankly across the rooftop, his eyes red and puffy. Makoto had finally woken up and everything was going to be fine. Or at least that’s what Haru had fooled himself into believing until Makoto had crushed him with one impossibly innocent and genuine question. Who was he to Makoto now? What could he possibly do to make Makoto remember him? And why was he forgotten in the first place? 

That, more than anything, was what hurt the most. Makoto had remembered Nagisa, but when he looked at Haru, the freestyle swimmer was met with uncertainty and curiosity, but that was all. Not recognition. God it hurt so bad… He didn’t even bother to blink away the tears. He had never cried so much in such a short amount of time in his life. Not even when he was little. Makoto had cried far more than he ever did… 

Haru didn’t notice the rooftop door slowly slide open a few minutes later. Or was it hours? Haru was no longer aware of the passing of time. He paid the other person no mind even when they sat down in front of him, legs crossed and hands folded in their lap. “Nagisa-kun said I might find you here.” It was a voice he recognized and when his weary blue eyes met concerned violet, Haru sighed. “Are you alright, Haruka-senpai?” 

Haru couldn't answer. Or rather, it was more that he really didn't have one. Was he alright? No..? Maybe... He was thrilled that Makoto was going to be okay more than anything else, and even if Makoto never remembered their past together, Haru was determined to be part of Makoto's future. His answer was a complicated one. And it was something he didn't want to address. "How is he?" was Haru's response. His eyes had drifted back down to the toy in his arms. He could feel Rei's eyes on him and knew the younger boy was studying him. 

Rei was so much stronger than he was. Time and time again, the butterfly swimmer had proven that. Again Haru was flooded with memories of Rei's determination to succeed and his need to help Rin even if he was the one hurt in the end. Rei, like Makoto, was self sacrificing for the good of his friends. He'd do whatever he could to make sure the others were fine. Then he'd worry about himself. The blue haired boy sighed and shook his head a little. 

"Haruka-senpai..." He paused as he thought of the best way to word his next statement. "It seems that Makoto-senpai remembers all of us. You... you're the only one missing." Rei chanced a glance at Haru and felt his own resolve crumble just a little. He wanted to stop there, but Rei also wanted to piece this situation together. In order to find out why this happened, Rei was going to have to be more resilient. "Haruka-senpai. What were you doing just before we were suppose to meet up?" 

The question caught Haru a little by surprise and the freestyle swimmer just kind of stared at Rei before recalling to himself what he was doing. It seemed so long ago. So far away. Haru remembered getting off the train, the walk to the shrine, the kiss... But he never recalled seeing Makoto. He kept quiet and looked anywhere but Rei's face as he formulated his response. Should he tell Rei about something like that? 

"The reason I ask, Haruka-senpai is because... Well.." Rei paused and raised a hand to his chin, pursing his lips together while he mulled over how to say what he was thinking. "It's like this. Makoto-senpai was fine when we got off the train. We were a block or so away and Nagisa-kun, Gou-chan, and myself all made a pit stop at that convenience store. Mokoto-senpai was smiling when he left us so it had to have been something to do with you and Rin-san." 

Haru's eyes widened instantly when Rei finished speaking. So.. Makoto saw the kiss. And then.. What? He ran away. But why? Embarrassment? Or something else?

"Haruka-senpai?" Rei said quietly. He could practically hear the wheels turning in Haru's head. Blue eyes shot up and connected with Rei's for a moment before drifting back into his thoughts for a few more minutes. He tried to analyze it, but wasn't getting anywhere by himself. Perhaps Rei... Haru adjusted and looked Rei in the eye before he began speaking. He told him of the train ride to the shrine, how Rin seemed anxious, about the confession and how he'd turned it down, and how Rin insisted on at least trying out a kiss. Haru told Rei how he felt nothing in it and afterward, the crash. 

The look on Rei's face told Haru there was something that the butterfly swimmer had in this story that he didn't. A vital piece of the puzzle. An answer. Blue bore into violet and Rei chewed his bottom lip nervously. It was a habit Rei rarely expressed. The violet eyed boy wrung his hands together with a quiet sigh. He definitely knew something Haru didn't. 

"S-so... That's what happened. I get it now." Rei mused, his voice holding a bit of a tremble and there was a sadness in his eyes that spoke volumes. There were no tears, just... an ache that radiated from him. Not for himself, but for Makoto. "Haruka-senpai. I don't know if I'm really the person to tell you this, but... Um." Again, Rei took pause. The words were there and he was hesitating. 

Haru's agitation was growing with every breath he took. He wanted that piece that Rei didn't seem to want to hand over. Like it was some big secret. He felt his brow cinch together tightly in the middle of his face as he stared a hole through Rei. The other boy jumped slightly at the expression Haru wore when their eyes met again. It was anger. Agitation, desperation, and a mix of other things that made his young face look severe. And it was frightening... Rei quickly looked back down at his own hands wound tightly together between his legs. 

"Makoto-senpai.... h-he's..." Rei started timidly. 

"Rei." There was a growl in Haru's voice. One that said he was tired of being pushed around. One that said that he needed this answer no matter what. 

"HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Rei shouted in response. He hadn't meant to yell and he drew both of his hand's up to his mouth to cover his embarrassment. His face was red and tears prickled the outer edges of his eyes, but didn't spill over. And Haru... could only blink at Rei. The words the younger boy hurled at him hadn't quite registered all the way. However, when they did... Haru made a strangled noise and dropped his head into the palms of his hands. Now that he had the most vital piece everything was starting to make sense. 

Makoto... was in love with him. And saw the exchange between Haru and Rin. Makoto hates confrontation so he ran away. Right into the path of that car... And so, the reason he forgot his best friend was..? It's still missing. Haru sat up suddenly and stared at Rei for a moment before he was on his feet and through the door leading back into the hospital, leaving a flustered Rei to scramble after him. His body was fueled by adrenaline and the newfound information that Makoto had somehow kept this hidden from him. His feet carried him down flights of stairs while his mind carried him miles away. That was a mystery in and of itself. Makoto had kept something secret from him. Haru was always selfish when it came to Makoto. He'd quietly monopolized the brunette's time while letting Makoto think it was his own choice. 

And maybe it had been. But for how long? How was Makoto able to keep something so big from him? And why did Rei know? That thought seemed to stop him in his tracks at the base of the stairs that led to the floor just above the one Makoto was on. How did Rei know something so vital while Haru, who had been with Makoto every day, remained oblivious? He turned slowly and stared at the boy who was about half way down the flight of stairs behind him. It was an hesitant sort of gaze and, from the look on the first year's face, more troubled than anything else. Haru waited for Rei to join him at the base of the stairs and tried to calm his racing thoughts. His mind was reeling with uncertainty and a buzzing noise seemed to permeate his mind while he formed the words he needed. 

Blue eyes met violet again and this time it was a bit more desperate than Rei was prepared for. Haru could tell the other boy was just as drained as he was, but the selfish side of the freestyle swimmer won out once again. He needed to be certain before he went back in there... He wanted to know everything. 

"How do you know he loves me?" There it was. The question his mind had been too clouded to think of until just now. It was completely possible something else was the trigger right? If Rei was wrong, he'd make a fool out of himself. But Rei was rarely wrong. Misled and easily persuaded, but rarely wrong. He focused on Rei and the younger boy seemed to relax a little bit while maintaining a nervous sort of posture. Rei folded his arms and a light blush crossed his cheeks and Haru raised an eyebrow at the strange reaction. 

"Makoto-senpai... He knows how I feel about a certain someone-" 

"Nagisa." Haru added pointedly, not even bothering to wait for Rei to finish his sentence. Rei's blush was like fire now and his mouth hung open in disbelief. Haru thought it was actually comical that the butterfly swimmer thought no one noticed. 

"How do you know it's him?!" Rei whined, placing both hands on Haru's shoulders in mild panic. He looked around frantically as if he feared the object of their discussion was going to appear at any moment and overhear everything. 

"Everyone knows." The darker haired boy responded blandly as he pried Rei's hands off of his shoulders. "What else? Makoto knew about your crush and then what?" Haru was anxious and he needed to redirect the conversation back to where it had began. He wanted to yell and force Rei to spill everything faster. He didn't want to talk about Rei and Nagisa. He wanted to hear about Makoto. Rei seemed to regain himself and pulled himself together at the sharp tone of Haru's voice. There was that fidgeting again. It would be endearing if Haru wasn't so agitated. 

"Well... It's kind of the same thing. I noticed the way he always looked at you. Like you were so close but so far out of his reach. So I asked him one day." Rei said as his calm returned slightly. "He asked me about Nagisa and we sort of confided in each other. We only shared a little bit at first, but then it became so natural to talk to him about it." Haru absorbed every word as if he were a human sponge, soaking up every syllable for future analysis. Rei met Haru's gaze with a bit of hesitation, the gears churning in the younger boy's head and Haru was almost certain he wasn't going to like what came next. 

"Haruka-senpai... It is possible that Makoto-senpai's amnesia was an unconscious choice." The younger boy said quietly. Haru wasn't sure how to respond to that. It wasn't what he'd expected to hear, but it didn't help the swirling nausea that consumed his gut. All of this was leaving him winded and sort of dizzy. What was that suppose to mean? As if sensing Haru's inner turmoil, Rei elaborated on his speculation. 

"From the way he talked about you, it's possible that the thought of you belonging to Rin or anyone else was too much for him to handle. He'd tear up just thinking about a future without you in it. And so... With that in mind, it's possible that as Makoto-senpai ran away from you and Rin, he tried to block what he saw out of his mind. So when the car hit him, maybe he accidentally blocked you out all together?" 

"That's impossible! Things like that don't happen. He wouldn't!" Haru was tired of bubbling on the inside. He'd reached his breaking point. He needed answers. Not speculation! Without thinking he reached out and grabbed Rei by the collar of his shirt and, with strength he didn't know he possessed, pushed the boy away. And to his surprise, he felt better. Perhaps a physical altercation was what he needed. "You don't know anything about him!" The freestyle swimmer all but spat at the younger boy who looked nothing short of terrified. Rei leaned against the wall he'd hit in mild shock. He didn't speak again. 

Haru knew Makoto better than anyone. There was no way anything Rei claimed to know could be right because Makoto wouldn't keep anything from him. He turned and stormed off down the last flight of stairs that led to the intensive care unit, leaving a confused and frightened Rei in his wake. His head was swimming with the possibility that maybe he didn't know Makoto as completely as he thought he did. They grew up together. They were inseparable even if Haru tended to act annoyed by it.. Makoto was his and he was Makoto's. But somehow neither of them saw it. 

If Makoto had been the one Haru had kissed that day, would Rin have run away? Thinking of Rin right now wasn't helping his mood at all. Rin was the cause of all of this... Haru clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms and creating small crescent shaped indentions in the skin. If Rin hadn't insisted on kissing him, Makoto wouldn't be hurt. Makoto would still know who he was. Haru was angry. Why shouldn't he be? Rin's selfishness almost cost Makoto his life. His LIFE! His fury built itself up fast and the more Haru thought about it, the more he needed to blame someone. Blame Rin.. Blue eyes narrowed as he stalked his way through the ICU. He was on a mission. Rin had to know he caused this. That they caused this. Then maybe Haru wouldn't feel so damn guilty. He wanted to punish someone else. 

Haru's return to Makoto's room didn't go unnoticed. It was like their group of friends could feel the electricity of his mood radiating off of him like static. The hair on the back of his neck prickled when Haru's blue eyes found Rin seated in his chair holding Makoto's hand and talking to him quietly. Rin wasn't supposed to be sitting there. More anger boiling to the surface left Haru's hands shaking ever so slightly and his jaw clenched. The negative energy was noticeable by all present. Even Makoto seemed aware of the shift in the freestyle swimmer through his haze of pain medication. No one moved though and that seemed to agitate Haru even more. 

He stepped forward and pulled Rin's shoulder toward him, forcing the redhead to pay attention to him. Rin looked surprised at first, but then his brow furrowed as he gently released Makoto's hand and stood to meet the challenge. 

"What's your problem?" Rin asked, folding his arms over his chest in a show of defiance. Haru stared at the slightly taller redhead, his eyes burning with a barely contained fury. He wanted so bad to jus sock Rin right in the jaw that he almost did. Haru raised his fist, but instead of punching Rin like he wanted to, he reached out and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt pulling him down slightly so that they were at eye level. Rin responded by gripping Haru's wrist and staring at him with wide eyes. Almost like he was afraid for a second. Haru's mind smiled in triumph at the uncertainty in Rin's eyes. 

"This is your fault." Haru growled through his teeth, his tone harsh and acusing. He wasn't loud about it. Not yet anyway. Haru continued his assault by pushing Rin backward so that the redhead lost his balance and fell into the chair he had be occupying only minutes before. "You're the one that caused this!" Many pairs of eyes watched as Haru lashed out but everyone, Rin included, was too shocked to really do anything about it. Nitori was between them instantly, trying to mediate the situation before it got out of hand. Though it was apparent that the small boy wouldn't really be able to stop Rin and Haru if they really went at each other. 

Thankfully a nurse appeared in the doorway within seconds and demanded they all get out. Nagisa was able to reason with the woman though, insisting that she allow one of them to remain there. Gou was volunteered and, as much as she wanted to protest, she had a feeling this was something the boys needed to work out amongst themselves. Besides, Makoto was the most important thing right now. Nagisa had to force Haru out of the room, but once they were moving the freestyle swimmer took the lead. 

Haru needed to get out of this hospital and away from the sterile environment. He needed to hit something and if he had his way, that something was going to be Rin's face. He wasn't really aware of anything other than his destination and the fact that Rin was still following him. Once they got down stairs, Haru would release all of his anger. Rin would learn that he was to blame and maybe this feeling of loss wouldn't be so heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be mostly from Rin's point of view.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Advice? Death threats? Let me know what you think.


End file.
